So we’ve been to nightclubs, markets, play parties, workshops and lectures. However, we’ve never been to a munch! There’s lots of reasons for that, I think. Probably the biggest reason is that we’ve always lived in quite a small city (<500,000 people) and feared running into people we know or, worse, running into awful people again and again! We’ve also experienced a lot of sexual harassment/homophobia/bi-phobia/femme-phobia as a result of being two young femmes in a monog relationship. Similarly, we’ve always been very involved with our local LGBT+ scene, which has helped us meet some brilliant, lifelong friends!
At the ages of 30 & 31, almost 13 years into our relationship, we wandered into a nearby coffeeshop to meet an array of local kinksters.
I mostly enjoyed it… people were warm and welcoming. The hosts made sure to talk to us and to bring us into the conversation. It was very laid back and relaxed, one woman even knitted throughout the entire thing!
The chat was mostly vanilla, but we did talk a bit about our roles and our kinks. I felt like some other people were quite patronising to Cadi and I, they seemed to assume that we were a lot less experienced than we actually are. I found that a lot of them said things like, “don’t be scared off by this now…”, “This is quite complex for people to understand…” before telling us something that was, with no offense, quite mundane. I wouldn’t have minded this so much if we hadn’t said numerous times how long we’d been kinky for!
I also met a woman that brought to mind a phrase my gran used to say a lot, “She’s the type of person who will tell you she’s seen a tiger when you tell her you’ve seen a cat.”
I enjoyed watching Cadi’s face when the woman told Cadi that she was wrong about her opinion. It was hilarious. I was saying that I have recently become curious about needleplay because I hate medical needles but I’ve found getting pierced sexy. My septum piercing was particularly sexy, as the piercer guided my head on to the needle in a very Daddy like way. It went through my skin like butter. I have also really enjoyed some needley things I’ve seen online, such as the really hot and creative “windchime” scene that Daemonumx and June Amelia Rose posted a clip of online.
Cadi nodded to acknowledge my feelings, but said that she doesn’t find much needleplay aesthetically pleasing as a Domme, and the woman just said, “You just haven’t seen enough!” It’s hard to express what was objectionable about this, as Cadi obviously hasn’t seen every piece of needle play that’s ever happened. But it was the manner in which it was said, which seemed to assume that Cadi was a complete beginner. She then showed us a picture of a boob with three needles in it, which was honestly a bit underwhelming.
I also found it errrrr interesting that this guy took my hand to examine my (gorgeous) engagement ring without asking Cadi’s permission. But then told me that he was giving me permission to add his submissive on FetLife. Obviously every couple has different boundaries, D/s or not, and it’s up to Cadi and I to communicate those. However, I do feel like that behaviour is characteristic of the lack of respect relationships like ours are afforded, compared to relationships with a dominant man and a submissive woman.
I’m sorry…I’m just enjoying being a lil bitch. It was a good meet-up. We met a really sweet poly triad who seemed very happy together! We also met a super cool, super capable, but also kind of shy woman who keeps animals and knits and paints and makes awesome stuff out of wood!! I am very interested in meeting her again. She said that she was looking to meet people to explore different things with; people who won’t demand much of her time and would accept that her role as a mum comes first. We were a bit shy with propositioning her at the munch, but I think the three of us would be a good match.
I’ve also been messaging back and forth with a guy on FetLife recently, and he was at the munch too. He initially messaged us about travel – he’d like to visit New York and wanted some tips. But we ended up talking about kink and I think the three of us are quite compatible too. He’d like to experiment with gender play and cross dressing, and he’d like to have his first massage and learn how to massage other people. I was quite surprised when he mentioned those things, as they are things that Cadi and I would love to do but haven’t mentioned on our FetLife profile. In person he looks rather like a young Freddie Mercury, but with something delicate about his face too. Like Cadi, he has dark eyes. We’re going to go for a pint with him next week, and see how we feel after that.
We also learned about a local-ish peer to peer rope jam. It’s about an hour from us, but it seems to be quite similar to the workshop I really enjoyed in Berlin. We met the tutor at the munch, and she seemed really awesome. So hopefully we’ll be able to attend that sometime soon.
Overall, I’d definitely go again. I think I’m going to try and bring a friend along with us next time, a recently single friend who has also been in lots of kinky relationships before.