As expected, Christmas with the family was quite difficult for me. I was so happy to get back to our own home. The first thing I did was to cook a really good curry. The kitchen feels like my domain, and I wanted to assert my control over it! Also, cooking for Cadi is my absolute favourite act of service. Afterwards, I asked her to hit me with ‘Thumper’, the leather bean-filled truncheon that we bought in New York. That toy is really heavy, and I find it grounding. Cadi was great; menaced me with it a bit to build suspense, slapped my face to get me spacey, and alternated between hitting my bum and thighs. After hitting me she sat on my face, and then edged me before letting me come while she was fucking me.
In 2018 Cadi worked away from home a lot, and we seemed to do more edging while she was away. It was our routine that I wouldn’t come without her, but she regularly set me edging assignments while she was away. We both liked her having control over me in that way, but lately we’ve been really lazy with it! One of my 2020 BDSM resolutions is to re-establish our orgasm control protocols.
I know it’s now past 2019, but I wanted to do a little post of blogs/articles that have resonated with me this year; made me feel connected to others in the LGBTIQ+ & kink communities; articulated something I couldn’t, or made me think about something in a new way.
These are in a random order and I apologise for inevitably missing out lots of fantastic writing.
- Rope 365 is a absolutely fantastic resource, I can’t believe how generous they are with their site. I’m linking to the last post of the year, rope games, because one of my ambitions this year is to attend some local peer rope jams.
- How Kinksters Found Their Kinks was really interesting, I love hearing about other people and their journey towards queerness and kinkiness.
- Afropunk’s WHAT SEX HAS TAUGHT ME ABOUT INTERNALIZED FATPHOBIA AND ALBEISM absolutely took my breath away. I’ve rarely read anything which was able to capture my internal thoughts so perfectly. If you are a lover of someone who is fat and/or disabled, please read this.
Do you know what it’s like to have parts of society completely write you off as unappealing, lazy, and unworthy of anyone’s touch for two completely separate reasons that you cannot control? And do you know what it’s like to be able to successfully block all those isms out until you get to the bedroom?
- The Unique Grief of Ending a BDSM Relationship is beautifully written. The piece is heartbreaking, unflinchingly honest and in a class by itself.
- Both An Ode To Femme Tops From One Thirsty Bottom and I’m A Much Better Bottom Than You. Here’s Why are informative, accurate and funny as hell.
- Not so much on the topic of sex, but Autostraddle’s Unfortunately There Is Such a Thing as Too Much Processing; Here’s How Not To by Vanessa was fantastic and made me think about some unhelpful communication patterns that I indulge in. I’m definitely guilty of picking at things like a seagull picking at a discarded rotisserie chicken, and this blog really effectively explained why it can be destructive and unpleasant, and what I could do instead.
- I found this piece on leatherdykes and our contributions to leather culture when I was doing research for some fiction that I am writing. It’s inspiring and exciting, a look back at the past and a look forward to the amazing spaces that people are creating today. It made me really wish I was living in a bigger city, but it’s also a must-read.
- This post by Betty Butch was so tender and beautiful. It’s about living and loving as queer people, navigating our way through an often unfriendly world.
- Girl on The Net is fantastic, and I loved this post about the ache in her cunt before sex. This definitely resonated with me, and turned me on a lot.
- Taking Care of Daddy is a warm, intimate look at providing service to a Dominant who needs extra care. I really love reading about how BDSM can fit around “real life”, and also make real life a little bit easier to deal with.
- My femme identity is really important to me, and I loved this blog by Sarah Brynn Holliday about how being a Spooky Femme protects and empowers her.
- Slightly more ‘dry’ than some of the personal essays in this list, but I was glad to read this piece about how BDSM can be used to manage chronic pain in GQ.
- Vanessa’s Nylon piece on LGBTIQ+ media and how, in particular, the voices of women aren’t heard is brilliant. I first started googling for content made by queer women in 2004, and some parts of this piece made me really nostalgic for days gone by. It also made me determined to support queer publications and celebrate the huge commitment from all those who make them happen.
- BlackSyn is a great source of information and inspiration on IG, but I also keep up with their blog. This post about visibility and people of colour in kink communities is succinct, but powerful.
- I love Kinky and Nerdy’s blog. She is so smart, and I love the attention to detail in her writing. I particularly enjoyed this piece on why they love play parties, and her Teaching From The Bottom series is a must.
I haven’t even scratched the surface of the great writing out there, but here are some of the highlights of my year.