Like many femmes, I’ve often struggled with strap-ons. I think Cadi and I bought our first one when we were about 19, living in student accommodation and overexcited at the prospect of being able to order things with more privacy. We started with the classic Tantus Bend Over Kit, which isn’t the most glamorous strap on but is a really excellent option for a beginner! One of the big bonuses of that kit is that me and Cadi could both share it, even though I’m a UK size 18-20 (US 14-16) and she’s a UK size 8-10 (US 4-6).
However, I have never been all that comfortable wearing it. I’d find that I’d go into the bathroom and get tangled in the straps, acutely aware of anticipation building on the other side of the door. I’d waddle out and hate the sight of myself, feeling clumsy, masculine, and ungainly. I bought a second harness, one that was designed to look a bit like a corset. Although it looked nice in the pictures, it always felt a bit naff and costumey on me.
I was thrilled when I found offthetongue, a queer-owned, UK based company that produces wearer-friendly, lingerie-feeling harnesses. Each piece is hand made to order, and they currently offer seven different strap on styles, a bralette, as well as a small (but well curated!) range of accessories and dildos. I love this blog by owner Claire, about her design process.
I went for the Francine, which is a high waisted, crotchless style. It really is a gorgeous garment. Claire has chosen a jersey lining which is really soft against the skin, a stretchy lace for the cut out panels, and elasticated trim all around the edges. Absolutely every seam and join is fully hemmed so nothing feels rough or scratchy on the skin. It is clearly a high quality, well finished garment, and it feels lovely on the skin. It works well, the elasticated fabric stays snug and supports the weight of the strap. The harness keeps the toy in the right piece, and I feel very comfortable using it. It’s easy to lose yourself in your partner and the sensuality of the moment, much less worrying about what I look like or whether the harness needs to be adjusted!
Customer service was great: I messaged Claire to check my sizes, and she replied straight away. I received my garment really quickly and it was packed up beautifully, with care instructions that were too pretty to throw away!
I’d heartily recommend offthetongue for all femmes that love fucking their partners, but aren’t satisfied with complicated straps or masculine y-front style options.