Enid: Massage, and the power of touch and connection

A couple of months ago I did an intensive Swedish massage course. It was really hard work. I was aching by the end and I genuinely think I must have sweated out about eight pints of water on both days, but it was absolutely fantastic.

I wanted to study massage because Cadi suffers with chronic shoulder pain from an injury at work, and because touch is very high on both of our “love languages” list. We massage each other a lot, but I wanted to learn some new techniques and to learn more about anatomy so I could feel more confident in not hurting her or making her injury worst.

I always want to be a better submissive, a better good girl for Cadi, and adding another skill to my repertoire makes me a more useful submissive. I always want to have more skills for her to use, to be a useful tool or instrument for her.

My primary model for the first day was actually my best friend from school. She lives abroad but was visiting the UK for a couple of weeks, and wanted to come and hang out with me. It was interesting to learn massage with her because we’ve always had a very tactile relationship. In a way, the first time I played with sadism and masochism was with her. She experienced a lot of anger as a teen and I would always let her bite hard on my arms and hands in class when she wanted to lash out at a teacher or another pupil. I’d also let her flick me hard with plastic rulers! There’s a bit more to it than that, but we definitely shared some formative experiences together!

Whenever we see each other we’re always holding hands, sitting on each other, playing with each other’s hair. And massage felt like an extension of the way that we express our long standing affection for each other. With my hands I was saying, “I love you. I know you. I’m so happy you’re home. Please stay safe out there in the big wide world!” It was really beautiful to connect with her in this primal, pre-verbal way.

On the second day I had a lot of different “clients”: members of the public that had volunteered for a free massage. I really appreciated the diversity of bodies that I was able to massage. Scars, stretch marks, freckles, I adored them all. I massaged my tutor and I was really pleased when she said that I was “a natural” and that she doesn’t usually expect a decent massage when she volunteers herself, but she got one from me!

In the last afternoon we ran out of “clients”, and so myself and another student worked on one person. I really enjoyed working in rhythm with someone else, signalling to each other so we could keep pace with each other, balance what we were doing. I think I’d like to explore that again in a sexual sense: both Cadi and I working together on an outsider to invite them in to our dynamic, or perhaps myself and another submissive lavishing a Domme with our attentions.

Massaging people actually felt very spiritual. I felt like I was giving people a gift: an opportunity to take some time out for themselves. I massaged a man that fell asleep on me. It happened when he was lying on his back, and I was massaging his neck, shoulders, sternum, face and head. I was drawing circles on his jaw and temples when I noticed that his mouth had begun to sag, his breathing had deepened and, yes, he had begun to snore! In that moment I felt incredibly protective of him. He was a stranger but he was vulnerable in front of me and I was providing this safe, secure place for him to enjoy a moment of relaxation.

Trying to learn massage has been relaxing for me too. Like cooking and drawing and gardening, I have found massage very mindful. When I’m focussing on what my body is doing, and how the other person is responding, it’s hard to worry or think about anything else!

Since my course, I’ve invested in a pop-up massage table and I’ve moved around the furniture in our guest room to accommodate a space for me to practice. I don’t want to turn it into a side hustle at the moment, but on Facebook I made a post to tell local friends that I would be more than willing to offer free massages to anyone who wants them.

I had a lot of responses, and actually the majority of people who responded were LGBTIQ+. I guess that’s not surprising as most of my friends are also queer and/or trans, but it’s also indicative of LGBTIQ+ people fearing discrimination from mainstream massage providers.  As a fat gay woman, that resonates deeply with me. In my sessions, I’ve tried to be affirming to all the people I’ve seen. For example, I’ve made sure that I’ve asked every client if there are areas where they don’t want to be touched, and when I’ve referred to body parts I’ve used language that affirms their gender identity.

Many of the friends I’ve seen have mentioned that they love massage, but haven’t had one in a long time. I’m so pleased that I’ve been able to offer that to them; I love the idea of being a community resource in this way. I want people to feel comfortable on my table, want them to leave feeling lighter and freer. I want to be part of a community that supports each other, trades skills and resources. One friend traded a massage for some vegetables from her garden!

After providing quite a few massages to my friends, I’m eager to continue learning this skill. I’m keeping my eyes out for other courses, and reading lots of blogs by other students of massage. I may have started learning to provide a service to my Dominant, but I’m excited about other places this journey may take me!

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