We’d been talking about collars and leads for a long time before we got them. I’m not sure what it was that finally made me decide to bite the bullet and buy her first collar. When I think about how I knew it was the right time, it feels the same as when I knew it was the right time to propose. No new information, no big realisation, just a steady resolve that it was what I wanted, and that the time had come to make it happen.
Though I was sure it was what I wanted, choosing one was more problematic! We both like leather a lot, so I knew it had to be leather. At the time, we were very much in a Mistress and Goodgirl dynamic, but we’ve never really been into high protocol, and a lot of collars we found were either very heavy duty, or too far the other way and more aesthetic. I wanted her to feel owned and cared for. I wanted her to feel special, but not like she was dressing up, or playing a role. For me, collaring her was similar to her wearing our wedding ring, or her taking my name. It’s a talisman of the commitment we make to each other, a physical reminder of the roles we have in our relationship. I wanted it to be pretty, and have a softness to it, because she is pretty and soft. But it needed to be real and solid too, capable of taking a leash and being worn for years.
I worried for a while about making sure it was the perfect one. That once I had chosen it, I would never get to give her another, and that if I chose the wrong one, it would reflect on me as her Mistress. That it would mean I didn’t know and understand her as well as I thought I did. But then I realised that this sort of logic would get me nowhere, and that she deserved a Mistress who could make decisions and stick to them!
We went with a made to order, simple red-brown leather collar, with a brass buckle. It’s from the Leather Laboratory on Etsy. It’s got GOOD GIRL stamped into it. I love it so much, and so does she. It’s described as a day collar, which I quite like. Because though there is a performative element to our D/s play, and there are times when I love to put on stockings and a corset or have her in knee socks and frilly knickers over my knee, that’s just icing on the cake. Her submission to me is not an event, or a special occasion. It is every day, in so many small ways, and it is an ordinary part of our lives. It is special, of course, and I feel honoured to accept her submission, but collaring her was a commitment to always being her Mistress, not an act of extravagance, so the plainness really pleases me.
When it arrived, I was away with work, and she knew exactly what it was. She sent me a picture of the package and lots of messages about how excited she was to wear it. As soon as I was home from that trip, she started to wear it. She loves to wear it when we are cuddling on the sofa, watching TV. She loves to wear it ready for when I come home, or in bed waiting for me when I work late. She loves to message me, asking for my permission to wear it, and she loves to wear it when she needs comfort or security. Sometimes she sends me pictures of her wearing it without warning, and it always makes me throb with needing her.
It’s the hottest thing, seeing it around her neck. I love to run my fingers under it, and to pull her towards me by it. I love to put it on her before we do a scene, and have her hold her hair up out of the way. It connects us and grounds us and reminds us both that I am there to protect and control her, and she is there to submit to me.
Since buying that first collar, just over a year ago, we have bought a matching lead, and a much more frivolous bright pink, fur lined collar for when she is feeling more like a princess. Now we have crossed the Rubicon, I know we will probably experiment with lots of different collars, but her first collar will always be special.