Enid: BDSM at Christmas time.

Christmas is rapidly approaching, and I’m not quite sure that I’m ready for it!

My Domme and I are from the same city and Christmas usually means shuttling between both of our families. We’re very lucky to have families to go to, but it does mean that we have little time to ourselves.

Our dynamic is pretty central to our lives. I’m hoping to write more about protocol and how it affects our home life, but I’ll leave that for now. Nevertheless, it feels strange to go back to our family and for me not to wear my collar or to do the other things that make us us.

We have a long drive to come before Christmas, and one of my tiny acts of service has been to create a playlist for the journey. I hope that my Domme and I will use that driving time to refresh our protocol agreements and how we can adapt them for when we are lacking in time and privacy!

I imagine that some of the things we might discuss or agree on may be: using a non-verbal signal to allow me to ask to use the bathroom; choosing to sit on the floor near my Domme’s feet during family reading/film watching/game playing time; brushing and braiding my Domme’s hair before bed or massaging her before we sleep.

Perhaps to some readers, it will seem as if we’re keen to play an exhibitionist catch-us-at-it game with our families. This would be very unethical, and couldn’t be further from the truth! Our D/s dynamic enriches our lives far beyond the sexual sphere, and is an important part of supporting my mental health. Being a good submissive for my partner is rewarding, calming and affirming.

It’s widely accepted that Christmas can be a very challenging time for people experiencing poor mental health. Financial strains, familial pressures, pressure to drink and eat too much, horrible diet and self-image talk, end-of-year deadlines at work…I could go on!

We all have things in our “toolbox” to support our mental health. BDSM sits very comfortably in my toolbox, alongside writing and cooking. Whatever is in your toolbox, I think it’s important to ensure you don’t forget about it this Christmas, even though it’s a demanding time. I’m also adding to my toolbox by downloading the Headspace app, setting myself writing goals and trying to record what I spend. The Mental Health Foundation also have some other good tips, modeled on the ‘five ways to wellbeing.’

It’s such a lesbian/wlw cliche that we spend a lot of time talking about and ‘processing’ our thoughts and feelings. It’s a cliche that’s true for us (analytical Virgo meets esoteric Aquarius!) and I hope to spend the long, post-Christmas drive home talking about what protocol worked for us. And, if it’s a success, listening to my Christmas playlist!

If you’d like to read more about protocol, I found this blog by Sinclair Sexsmith really helpful.

What will you be doing this Christmas to support your mental health? And how does Christmas affect your relationships and love life?

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